Lesson 28 for Divorced Fathers Network

Divorced Fathers Network
Advocates Of Shared Parenting
'Because Children Love Both Their Parents'

Approaches to Negotiating*

For a negotiation to produce a positive outcome, the negotiators' goal should be to meet not only his or her own self-interests, but to develop a solution that appeals to the self-interest of the other party as well. In fact, a list of possible solutions that serve both parties' interests can be helpful.
Practical negotiation calls for practical thinking. Rather than searching for the single answer, one can often invent options. People sometimes see their job as narrowing the gap between positions, rather than broadening the options available. (BATNA)
Emotional involvement on one side of the negotiating can make it difficult to achieve the detachment necessary to come up with wise options in meeting the interests of both parties. Shortsighted self-concern can lead to one-sided solutions.
Joint problem solving also works toward educating each party about the concerns and perspectives of the other side.
A good first step could be meeting for the purpose of exchanging ideas, and not necessarily for reaching an agreement at that time. It would need to be made clear before the meeting that what will be discussed are possibilities, not proposals.

* From "Getting To Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In," by Roger Fisher and William Ury, 1981